Fat to Fit Friday

 I am doing a link up with Jenna, Lori and Marcy.  FAT TO FIT FRIDAY!!!  (I tried to paste in the button but it didn’t work for me!  So click on their names yo!  They are inspiring!!!)

I find I get angry at myself.  I get these bursts of motivation.  Then the motivation wears off.  It can take me days, weeks, even months before I find motivation again.  The motivation comes in any form, and from anywhere.  I don’t pick it, it just happens and the switch flips itself on.  I think I have maintained, for the most part, what I have lost because I have become addicted to working out.  My days do not feel right if I skip a workout.  Food is most definitely my biggest problem.  If I allow myself a treat, a treat becomes a meal, a meal becomes a whole cheat day.  The next day I wake up and say today will be different, and sometimes it is, sometimes I can shake it off.  Sometimes I can’t and I find myself spiraling out of control for days or weeks at a time.   It’s been a year and a half long journey for me and I am still struggling with moderation and portion control.  I can say I am infinitely times better then I was last year, but I still struggle.

It’s taken me a while to learn how much food I need to stay full.  I started aiming for 1200 calories, with a workout; it was NOT NEARLY enough food for me.  I was ravenous.  Ravenous Jes allows room for error.  I would consume 1200 calories for the day and then eat about 2000 calories for an after dinner snack.  I now aim for a NET of 1300 calories.  Planning in advance my meals and keeping track off all the items I put into my mouth.  Some days I am better then others.   

This week I have been motivated.  Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I have been bang on calorie wise and workout wise.  My motivation, this week (I had mentioned it on Tuesday, when I finally got off my lazy arse and did the Fat to Fit Friday Link up) was looking at a photo of a woman, a total stranger, who had lost 145 pounds.  I was at the point this week (hormones and donuts infused to create psychoness) that I thought about forgetting about my last twenty pounds.  To stay at 175ish pounds.  I was like what the hell is wrong with me?!!  I have only lost a total of 30 pounds.  This woman was capable of losing 145 pounds.  She put in the hard work, the time and effort.  I clearly have been slacking.  I workout, but I can’t seem to get my eating back under control.  I get frustrated with bloating that I didn’t have while on the Birth Control Pill (BCP).  It’s frustrating to see a three pound gain over night.  (There is the reverse of that: it’s nice when the bloat finally decides to leave my body, two pounds gone between yesterday and this morning.  Where the hell does it go?!!?  I wanna know.  I didn’t pee anymore then usual yesterday.  TWO pounds of water weight, gone.  And my pants are back to fitting as they were.  I digress….)

I weighed in this morning at 174.5 pounds.  (Yesterday I was up to 176.5)  Wednesday, I was feeling rather full of myself and declared I was going to lose 20 pounds before Canada Day, July 1^st.  I WILL do this.  Breaking this 20-pound goal into mini goals is my game plan.

I will be excited for the next few mini goals:

170 pounds – 35 pounds lost – 4.5 more pounds

169 pounds – 36 pounds lost (NO LONGER OBESE!!! THIS EXCITES ME GREATLY) – 5.5 more pounds

168 pounds – 37 pounds lost, but I remember weighing this weight in Grade 6.  When I was 13 years old. – 6.5 more pounds  (This mini goal is both sad and exciting for me.  Sad that I was this weight at 13, I am 5’3” but excited to say I weigh what I did when I was 13.)

165 pounds – 40 pounds lost – 9.5 more pounds

155 pounds – 50 pounds lost (This will be my most important milestone, however I have always debated aiming for 145.) – 19.5 more pounds

If these mini goals aren’t motivation I don’t know what is.  I am annoyed with myself, that I was this close to hit these milestones and I was debating packing it in earlier this week.  Even to hit the 165 pound mark, 9.5 pounds, I will hit four major milestones. 

When I break my goal of twenty more pounds down in this mini goal fashion, it doesn’t seem so daunting.  I like working in mini goals, I will succeed.