25 Pounds ... Again!

This week I have been really good. Like super good. I am getting back on track! I did my last power skating this week, boo! It helped me get back to the 25 mark. Are you tired of hearing me bounce around? I sure am! I am really nervous about this long weekend. I am trying hard to think positively and plan for my meals. We have hockey, a concert and a BBQ. I always blow my hard work on the weekends so this time to try to combat that terrible pattern, I have tried to plan all of my meals and snacks for the next 4 days and plan my workouts. I just really hope I stick to it, as I have a really bad habit of throwing my plans out the window.

These are my current measurements versus my start figures back in September, 9 months ago, really it’s only 6 months worth of work (Damn I wish I had been more active in January, February and March, because who knows how much further I would be!):

Weight	180	205	-25
Size	12	16
UA	13.25	15.00	-1.75
W	33.50	37.50	-4.00
A	42.00	47.00	-5.00
H	44.50	49.00	-4.50
UT	27.50	30.50	-3.00
LT	21.00	23.50	-2.50
C	15.75	17.00	-1.25

That is 22 inches TOTAL. I am trying to do this more lately, look back at my awesome success and see how far I have come. My pants are all huge on me, (except my new size 12s!)

I have to say I am jealous of a friend’s success. She has lost 70 pounds since January of this year by watching everything she eats and working out. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, as what it shows is her HARD work. I wish I had that dedication. She looks FANTASTIC. I am using her as motivation!

Man I am annoying...

I have gained two pounds.  And lost .5 inches.  Is anyone else tired of listening to me complain when I am the one doing this to myself?!?!  I annoy my own self.  Every day I promise myself to stay on track.  And then I fail.  Miserably.  I was so joyful to finally hit the 25 pound mark and then I threw it away.  I have a pool party in a few weeks, I wanted to look damn good for it, I bought another new suit, this time it's more cute for hanging out by the pool instead of being for practical lap swims.  It's red.  It's a size 12 versus the 16 I was always wearing, I have to remember how far I have come instead of getting down on myself and use that as motivation.  I hate seeing what I write, it makes me accountable for being a failure.  At least this is how I see myself, which again, is not a good thing.  BaH!  Must remember at least now I am a size 12 versus 16, I have accomplished something.  Don't forget that dummy!  (me being the dummy)

25.5 POUNDS!!! And then my birthday came...

I officially achieved 25.5 pounds!  I bought 2 new pairs of pants, size 12!  I know I said I would wait but my pants were all falling apart and/or falling off of me!  I haven't been in a size 12 since grade 6! 

Then my birthday came.  I allowed myself the cheat day, and it was damned good, and I am not going to feel guilty.  My sister treated me to Madarin for lunch.  I gorged.  Then she bought me a cupcake.  Which I scarfed down.  Then my Mom cooked an amazing meal of ribs and chicken.  So good.  I ate like a pig.  Then a rich, fudgy chocolate cake.  I cut myself the biggest piece possible.  It was all so good. 

I am afraid to step on the scale, but I am going back on track!  I have a pool party to go to in July and I hope to hit the 30, let's be honest, 35 pound mark.  I know 30 is more realistic, but I figure if I aim high I won't allow any more cheat days.

Doctor's Weigh In

Yesterday I had my yearly physical.  Part of that included a weigh in.  As my appointment was later in the morning I had to eat breakfast (this is relevant, wait for it).  My weight was 181!  24 POUNDS!!!  It finally moved!  Resting must be helping!  The thing is, I had breakfast before hand.  I wish I could have had it later but I can't, I can't go without breakfast or it makes me feel sick.  So I am really hoping that I am actually down 25 pounds!  Breakfast and clothes on, and I realized I had to go to the bathroom afterwards, it must be 25!!!

I am so elated today!!!  Tomorrow morning I am hoping to hit up the gym and find out for sure if it is 25.  25 pounds lost is so much better the 20 pounds lost!!!  (While 20 is good, 25 is so much more awesome!!!)

A Good Night's Sleep Seems to Cure a Pile of Issues!

Last night I did yoga and meditated before bed.  I definitely slept better.  I have to remember to do this every night.  Even if I am dead tired, this will help the sleep be better, or at least it feels like it today.  While I still feel a bit tired, it's nothing compared to how I have been feeling, so that is good!

Calories were good yesterday, today will also be working on them vigurously. 

Tonight I Zumba!

Oy Vey

I think I have to start writing more when I am in a good mood. I seem to only write when I am in a bad mood. Today I am exhausted, power skating kicked my arse. Today will be a rest day. I don’t understand why I need a rest day to lose weight but I know I need one today.

I get very frustrated lately. I am not happy with certain aspects of my life. This affects how I feel about myself and it most definitely affects how I eat. First bit of stress and I am mentally calculating how much money I have in my wallet to go buy some junk food. I am my own worse enemy. The cravings when I am stressed become insatiable. I have to work really hard the next few weeks to make sure that doesn’t happen.

I get annoyed with myself as some days I come home and snap at my husband, he doesn’t deserve it, he works hard, he is a good person, he doesn’t deserve my abuse. I take my frustrations out on those closest to me and it’s not fair or right. I also can sit exhausted and not move all night. Again, this isn’t fair to my husband. He told me that he looks forward to seeing me every day. Aww, he’s too cute sometimes. I look forward to seeing him on good days. On bad days, I don’t think of anything other then my anger about situations that don't involve him. That’s not healthy.

As this blog is about my journey to being healthy, I think this should include a healthy mindset, healthy in all areas. I keep trying to go do some yoga, but have yet to go. I do have a video; maybe I will pop it in after dinner tonight.

I love to read, I unfortunately do a lot of my reading before bed. I get carried away reading for two hours and then lay awake another two. No wonder I am always tired. I read on my lunch break as well. I used to try meditating before bed, and I rather liked it. I found a meditation podcast a few years ago and I would occasionally use it. I think I need to try it again. As I type this blog I am getting some ideas pop in my head, I am going to try to work the following into my days:

Read in the morning, take a short walk at lunchtime, do my yoga DVD after dinner, take my poor dog for a walk, heck, make more time for the poor dog, read for less time before bed, meditate to help fall asleep.

6:30 Get up in the morning, read for 30 minutes

7:00 Go on computer for 30 minutes

7:30 Shred (Unless it’s a rest day, then computer for 30 more minutes)

8:00 Get Ready for work

9:00 Work

12:00 Lunch (5 minute walk around the parking lot, 55 minutes eat and read)

5:15 Workout OR go home to dinner

6:15 (if worked out, go home, shower)

6:30 Make my lunch for the next day

6:35 After dinner (if didn’t workout) Yoga DVD, also STOP drinking liquids so I won’t be up all night going to the washroom

7:00 to 8:30 TV & Time with Hubby

8:30 Read for 30 minutes

9:00 Meditate

9:15 Hopefully fall asleep

This may be another reason why I am stressed, I micromanage everything. Honestly, look at that ridiculous schedule I just wrote. I can’t believe I didn’t work in bathroom breaks. I guess it’s ok as long as I view it as a guideline.

I should try to have a cuddle session with the dog and cat every day so that they don’t feel left out, plus they claim people who have pets are less stressed. Can you imagine what I would be like if I didn’t have the dog and cat? Oy vey

BAH @#$!@#~!

I am angry at myself again. But before I get ahead of myself let me recap as I haven’t updated for a few days:

Wednesday I shredded and then had Chinese Takeout. I came in at 1800 calories.

Thursday I shredded and then Zumba’d at the gym for an hour after work. I came in around 1800 calories.

Friday I fell off the last step of my porch and landed on my knees on the concrete sidewalk and twisted my foot. I still have pain in my toes, feet, ankles, knees: pretty much anything leg related. I played hockey, BIG workout. I came in at 1600 calories.

Saturday I cleaned the house and walked for two hours at a convention. I know the walking was slow but the house cleaning felt vigorous, at least I didn’t sit on the couch all day. I came in about 2000 calories.

Now I know I said I would eat 1400 calories. I went over. But I am still UNDER the 2000 calories needed to “Maintain” at a sedentary level. Considering I was NOT sedentary those few days I should have at least stayed the same weight, if not, lost a bit. Today the scale read 186.5. (The Scale That Lies to Me) and while I realize that this scale is not accurate, I figure it’s about 2.5 pounds heavier then the scale at the gym. The so this would put me at 184, which means I am up .8 pounds for the week, last week at the gym I was 183.2. I am angry at myself. While I am not starving myself I am still making healthy food choices and coming in under the calorie count. For someone is is moderately active I should be consuming around 2200 calories. So I am cutting out 400 calories while eating 1800, plus the calories burned during the workout on top of that. I am angry that I am not seeing the results.

I just read this article: http://www.besthealthmag.ca

1. Sleep deprivation: I am lucky to get 6 to 7 full hours sleep. They are saying you need 8. So maybe?

2. I am not following a fad diet; I am just trying to make healthy choices in accordance with the Canadian Food Guide. And not deprive myself. Not the issue for me.

3. You’re eating at night. I try to eat healthy all day and am tired and ravenous at night. If I do slip up, it will be after dinner. So can be me sometimes.

4. Snacking on the wrong foods. My main meals are 99% of the time all healthy and good choices, my snacks are for the most part but if I indulge it will be snack related.

5. Eating too much of the wrong thing: I didn’t cut carbs, but I know I don’t eat them every day. In fact, our personal trainer recommended we eat more good carbs like oats and sweet potatoes and up our protein.

6. You’re bored of your workout routine. No definitely not my issue. I do so many different things that I don’t have time to be bored.

So there is some food for thought.

As I was getting frustrated, this breakdown helped me look at it in a new perspective. I need more sleep, I need to eat more throughout the day (preferably more lean protein as I am always hungry), and watch what I am snacking on. Bah. It’s still frustrating, how can I be in a plateau for a month and a half? I changed up my workout routines. I cut back the calories in a different way and I am uping my lean protein and healthy carbs. Still no real change on the scale, I saw a small change in inches in my legs but at least my inches aren’t getting bigger but it’s really disheartening to think about healthy food and counting calories and working out 5 to 6 days a week and not see the results. I understand it takes time but can’t I be thrown a bone or something, just a bit of something to keep me motivated?

SONGS I LOVE TO WORK OUT TO

I need to revamp my “Get Psyched” workout playlist.

My sister is bringing me two of my new favourite songs. (They aren’t new songs per se, but my new favourites!)

Rabiosa– Shakria (They play this at Zumba sometimes, I LOVE IT, gets my butt wiggling)

Country Girl (Shake It For Me) – Luke Bryan (Gets me shaking my butt!)

My old stand bys that will never be removed:

Fighter– Christina Aguilera

Dirrty– Christina Aguilera

Not Myself Tonight – Christina Aguilera (can you tell I love her?)

Jump Around – House of Pain

We Will Rock You – Queen

We are the Champions – Queen

Space Lord – Monster Magnet

Just a Girl – No Doubt

Sabotage– Beastie Boys

Songs I need to remember to put on:

Jump, Jump – Kriss Kross

Paint it Black – The Rolling Stones

Much better day today

Today I feel much better about myself then I did yesterday morning. The task doesn’t feel as daunting today. Yesterday, instead of allowing that bummed out vibe sabotage my diet for the day (very destructive behaviour that I am terribly prone to) I ended up eating healthy foods totaling 1430 calories. Not bad, definitely made me feel good about myself and I didn’t feel hungry. I also had power skating and it worked me frigen hard. I was so sweaty and exhausted.

This morning I was super tired but I rolled out of bed and did the 30 Day Shred, Level 1. I decided I do not like Level 3. I am going to rotate between Level 1 and 2. I feel really good, tired but good. I feel like I am back on track and feeling good about my reworked plan of attack.

Tonight my sister and I will finally be hanging out, finally, as it has been forever! I am going to pick up some take-out Chinese Food for us to munch on while having a Gilmore Girl marathon (my sister and I are HUGE Gilmore Girl fans!). I am super excited. I knew I would be eating a bit more today for dinner so I am trying to eat a lighter lunch with lots of protein to get me through my day. I estimate today’s calories being 1650, which isn’t bad as I need 2000 to maintain, so it is still an improvement. However, after today I am back to the 1400 target.

Bah!

Some times I get really down on myself.  Today for instance…  Sometimes I look at my goals and think I am never going to achieve those, what the hell was I thinking that I could possibly pull that off.  Especially in a plateau.  Why do all this work for nothing?  Especially when I have a piece of shit scale that lies to me.  Why am I beating myself up?  Why do I suck so badly?  Why do I keep fucking trying?  I am tired of being a lard ass.

I wish I could attempt the “Rah! Rah! I am going to do this rant.” But I think I will just anger myself some more if I pull that.  Bah!  This is a Bah day.

Battle of the Bulge: 50 Pounds would be Awesome!

My previous entry made me realize, I wanted to lose 65 pounds overall. Truly. While I naively thought I could do it in 6 months, I am realizing that my September 19^th 1 year anniversary of the battle of the bulge is fast approaching; maybe I could pull it off by then? Can I really do an additional 43 pounds in 3 months? Not likely. However, if I can get off 28 pounds, that would bring my loss to 50 pounds in one year. That would be about 9 pounds a month, 2.25 pounds a week. A healthy-ish weight loss. I am going to try, give myself some added incentive to have a really great statement to say “I lost 50 pounds in a year.” If I loss extra then that is an added bonus! I just have to get out of this plateau of losing inches and not weight. I know weight isn’t everything, but it does help show progress and when it comes down to it, it helps keep me healthy regardless.

Wish me Luck!

22 Pounds ...

The Scale That Lies To Me is going to get chucked out. I am not down 25 pounds. I am still only down 22. For some reason, The Scale That Lies To Me gave me an accurate reading, ONE day this past week. Weird right? Not sure what is wrong with that scale but I thought that I could use it to gage in accordance to the scale at the gym, but to no avail. This makes me angry. I have plateaued at 22 pounds. As my Mom points out, 22 is still good, but I want more!

I want to be down an additional 8 pounds by my birthday this month. I think I can do so in a healthy manner. 2 pounds a week. To say I lost 30 pounds since my last birthday would be awesome! I have decided to cut back my calories to 1400 instead of 1600 while upping my protein so I don’t get hungry. I also plan to go back to the Shred in the mornings and additional workouts in the evening, including going to the gym, hockey and power skating. I have 4 power skating classes left! Man, time flies! Once this is completed I will add an additional visit to the gym each week to compensate.

Today I am having a day off from working out. I am exhausted. But I am still eating very healthy!!! But just a day off from the workouts. I still feel guilty having a day off but I realize my body needs a break every now and then. I may do the ab part of the shred tonight before bed, but will have to see how tired I am.

Some Things I Have to Remember

How it feels to put on my pants that were so tight last year that I would often undo the top button at my desk, and now I need a belt this year.

How it feels to look down and see only my boobs and not my fat gut protruding past them.

How it feels to see calf muscles. Obviously, I always had calf muscles, everyone does, but they are now getting so defined that I can see them without flexing.

How it feels to see my calf muscles when I flex: they look awesome. I never said anything about my body looking awesome before in my whole life. I have always consistently liked my eyes; I never had any other body part I was proud of, until now!

How it feels to see definition in my arms! Never had it there before either! (Unfortunately, it’s more when I flex, but baby steps!) My husband keeps laughing at me as more often then not when I am sitting on the couch, I am flexing my arms, checking them out. Haha. I am becoming vain!

How it feels to actually see a difference in the mirror.

The feeling of trying on a size 12 pant and THEM FITTING!!! I have been a size 14/16 for as long as I can remember. I can’t wait to try on the 10’s!

Seeing that scale creep DOWN!

That the scale shouldn’t jump back up to 205, unless I binge eat straight for like a month or two. This always is a fear of mine right before I step on the scale.

Skinny Wish List

One day when I achieve my goal weight, I am looking forward to doing the following:

Buying/wearing a bikini for the first time since I was 7 years old.

Buying new clothes!

Taking another pinup photo shoot.

Getting my hair cut.

Getting a new tattoo.

CONTINUE TO EXERCISE

CONTINUE TO EAT HEALTHY

CONTINUE TO BE HEALTHY

Nothing Tastes As Good As Healthy Feels

I keep seeing this quote: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". At first, I scoffed at it. However, lately, looking back at my minor successes, I feel I am able to relate to it more. Those five minutes of indulgence may be heavenly for that brief moment but the excessive amount of calories is not.  I will have to work out twice as hard at the gym tomorrow to make up for the calories, not too mention the guilt I will inevitably feel about it. Really, that’s how I got into this mess, a million heavenly indulgences, it’s not really an indulgence if you do it all the time. I would rather see it as “Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.” With that being said, I don’t mind a minor indulgence in moderation. I am still working on moderation, albeit, I am getting better at it. I just feel I am still on that damned slippery slope and I would much rather be on solid ground!

My Husband ~ My Best Friend

My husband is my best friend. He has a huge heart, always has a joke, always there to lend an hand/ear and always there for me. I love him. He is a tall fella, 6’2” (I am only 5’3” so I am a shorty compared to him) He is built like a defensive running back for a football team (Is that even something football related? I don’t know, I don’t follow football, just know this: he is a big, solid guy). He gives the world’s greatest hugs and he’s a handsome lad. I love to be around him. (That’s a good sign I think for a married couple!) He once referred to me as dainty. I had to laugh aloud: never in my life have I EVER been referred to as dainty! I suppose being a foot shorter compared to him helps in that illusion. He is always supportive, telling me he is proud of me, encouraging me to play hockey, always patting me on the back and saying good job Dude. (We always call each other Dude, I know not very romantic, but it’s our thing J)

I am excited he is embarking on this healthy journey with me. It’s awesome to have a built in workout buddy, and someone who understands what it’s like to work on this struggle. Another great thing about him is that he has tremendous will power. If we are grocery shopping and we see something like cookies or cake, I ALWAYS say“hey lets have a treat!” He ALWAYS replies, "No thanks, you have one, but don’t get one for me." Nine times out of ten, I try to talk him into it. (I know, I am terrible!) Of those nine times, half of the time I eventually realize I don’t really need the treat and leave it behind; the other half, I splurge (I know, I know!) His will power sometimes rubs off on me (It’s probably more I will feel guilty for cheating on my diet if I eat it myself without him.) Sad I know, but effective!

We have been married for just over two years, and he still brings a grin to my face every time I think of him during the day. He is awesome.

Motivational Blog!!!

Nothing motivates me more then seeing real people’s success at battling their weight. I have become a big fan of reading people’s blogs and reading their struggles/successes. I can relate to the struggle and love to see their success. It’s far more powerful for me to read a blog like this then just reading “healthy eating” or “healthy weight loss” advice, as these people are really doing it. If the blogs are funny, it is even better as I will burn calories while laughing as I read their blog! This is my new favourite weight loss blog.

http://www.mamalaughlin.com/

I discovered this blog on Pinterest. Mama Laughlin is hysterical. She talks about pooping a lot, which I love a good poop conversation and she is always throwing out “Holla” which is awesome. She has an uncanny knack for being able to describe (in a hilarious fashion) much of what I feel.

Holy jumpin! 25 pound loss on the horizon!!!

I don't want to jinx it, but according to The Scale That Lies To Me I am at 183.5 pounds, which may mean, if my piece of crap scale is stilling adding three pounds, that I am at 180.5!!!! I will verify tomorrow morning at the gym. I wanted to cry when I saw it! Hard work is finally paying off! I will take my measurements again tomorrow! I can't wait to say I lost 25 pounds! It sounds so much more impressive then 20!!!! :D

I did a half hour of zumba yesterday at the gym and did a half hour of weights and machines. I did the hamstring curl for the first time yesterday. I forgot to see if there was an adjustment for the leg curly uppy thing (which there was) so I used the setting for like a 7 foot tall person. I had the hardest time getting on to the bench; I couldn't get my feet under the curly uppy thing so I ended up rolling half way off the bench. (So graceful, I know) Once I finally got on the bench I kept worry my legs would snap forwards as the curly uppy thing went way too far down for me. I ended up doing 15 reps and thinking my butt was going to fall off so I moved to the next machine. I must have made for a great show. The worst part is you are lying on your stomach with your butt pitched upwards and your butt faces the weight area (the "jock" area I am now calling it as every dude that looks like Popeye seems to gravitate to this location) to say I felt incredibly intimidated is an understatement. Sidenote: My biceps look amazing when using the arm rep machine, too bad they still look flabby and icky when I flex them alone, I can't wait to flex them and have them look as cool as when I am using the rep machine. :D

I may be hooked on working out :D