Following the blog link up
from Erin and Alex!
Last Weigh In: April 10, 2013 – 178 pounds.
Today’s Weight:178. Fuck off and stay
fucked off.
Starting Weight: September
19th, 2011 - 205 pounds. Down overall 27 pounds.
Lowest weight to date: March 2013 173.5 - was down 31.5 pounds
Operation Baby Making Status (OBM): Not preggers yet. Took a test, it was negative.
I declared Canada Day Countdown
two weeks ago. I was going to lose 20
pounds by July 1st. In two weeks,
I have gained 2 pounds. Fucking
awesome! (I say sarcastically.) I am back to pooping, so I can’t blame the
IBS. It has been 3 months and 11 days
since I stopped the Birth Control Pill (BCP).
Anything I read states it can take up to 6 months or longer for your
body to regulate and go back to normal after stopping the BCP. The bloating has been the hardest thing for
me to deal with as my pants are super tight one day, and then normal the
next. I actually convinced myself that I
was pregnant at one point as my bloated belly looked like a pregnant belly, or
so I thought (or wishful thinking). I
even wasted money on a pregnancy test, which was negative.
I am negative Nancy today:
I am sick and tired of
counting calories.
I am sick and tired of coming
in perfect with my calories for up to and including my dinner calories, then turning
into a ravenous animal AFTER dinner and eating everything in sight.
I am sick and tired of making
plans to work out twice in one day and barely making the first workout.
I am sick and tired of waking
up early to get in my first workout; my body says it wants sleep.
I am sick and tired of trying
to “plan” a workout schedule of two workouts a day, everyday, for a whole month
with no rest days; and then when I break down and take a rest day, I take
three.
I am sick and tired of being
tired all of the time.
I am sick and tired of this “Weight
loss journey” a year and a half later and I hit the 30 pounds lost, and bounce around
it.
I am sick and tired of
worrying about what I put in my mouth. (That’s
what she said)
I am sick and tired of
feeling guilty for not making the healthiest of choices.
I am sick and tired of wondering,
“Why can’t I be skinny?” when I know it’s me and my bad choices.
I am sick and tired of
thinking about Ruffles Sour Cream and Onion Chips all of the time.
I am sick and tired of myself
and my lack of will power.
I am sick and tired of myself
and my “Oh, I am going to have a cheat meal” and it becomes a cheat WEEK or
MONTH.
I am sick and tired of
hearing people say “it’s a lifestyle change”, because at a year and half later,
while I have made some improvements, I feel I still struggle daily. I was hoping it would get easier as I went
along and I feel like it’s harder now.
I am sick and tired of my
bitching and complaining.
I am sick and tired of
getting down on myself.
I am sick and tired of my
fucked up scale that adds 2.5 pounds compared to the scale at the gym, and then
me wondering if it’s adding more now.
I am sick and tired of buying
new scales as one adds ten pounds, one shorts it by two pounds and one jumps up
an extra fifteen if you don’t step gently enough, and now my current scale may
add 2.5 pounds.
I am sick and tired of being
bloated.
I am sick and tired of
stepping on the scale, convinced it’s going to be less and it being more.
I am sick and tired of the anger
I have at myself for leaving trying to get pregnant at age 31; when every study
shows how much harder it is to get pregnant in your thirties.
I am sick and tired of the fear
that when I get pregnant I will gain 70 pounds and have to do this journey ALL
OVER AGAIN. (I want a baby more then
this fear though, obviously.) It’s just the
thought of doing this again makes me want to go hide under my bed.
Now that venting is out. I feel a bit better. I woke up this morning feeling really
down. I was just having a bad day is
all. It was nice to vent that all out,
it was very cathartic.
Now I have to remember some
good things:
I am excited that I have gone
form a size 18 pant to a size 12 sometimes a 10.
I am excited that I have gone
from a XL or a XXL top to a medium and sometimes a small.
I am excited when I look at a
picture and think, wow, I don’t look so bad.
(I just wish I could see that when I look in a mirror, the mirror still
shows me the 205 pound girl, not the 175ish pound girl)
I am excited when I receive a
compliment, or someone asks me how much I lost.
I am excited that this year I
bought my first pair of regular sizes dressy knee high boots that fitted my calves. I always had to buy plus sized boots to fit
my calves.
That’s all I got…. Bah.
Back on the horse yet
again!....
Here's two pics of some healthy turkey burgers and low cal jello. Trying to keep my meals interesting.