Weigh In Wednesday - 179.5 - You have to be kidding me.

Following the blog link up from Erin and Alex!

Last Weigh In: January 23, 2013 – 175.5 pounds.

Today’s Weight: 179.5 pounds. Up 4 pounds   FUCK RIGHT OFF (I just pooped a second poop right now at work, so this number should be down a pound, maybe even two.  It was huge.  I over share, you’re welcome!)

Starting Weight: September 19^th, 2011 - 205 pounds.  Down overall 25.5 pounds.

This is balls.  Seriously. 

I am blaming hormones.  I truly am.  Right now, my stomach feels like it is going to burst.  I feel like an ass every time I blame stopping the Birth Control pill (BCP), but I think it is my problem.  I know it’s an excuse, but it’s truly a chemical/hormonal element that I know has happened to my body. 

I stopped the BCP on January 6.  This means today is day 28 of my cycle so in theory I should be ragging it today.  Now when I was in high school I was like clock work, day 29.  So I am thinking if I don’t get my period today it’s possible it’s tomorrow.  I feel something might be coming as my whole abdomen feels bloated.  I feel like my skin is stretched and my insides may pop out.  I have had a massive headache since Sunday.  Sunday morning I woke up with a true migraine behind my right eye.  The pain was so bad I was nauseous.  Sunday was the worst day, Monday afternoon was also really bad.  Every time my head throbbed I felt my stomach rise.  Not pleasant.  Yesterday I had the headache and today still, but not to the degree of Sunday and Monday.  Just slight waves of nausea.  I know headaches can come with PMS.  I know headaches can come with stopping the BCP (But it’s been 24 days, I would have thought I would have had headaches by now.)  The nausea is because of the intense pain, I am 99.99% certain.  With that being said …

I don’t want to get myself too worked up, I will only mention it here, I haven’t mentioned it to anyone in real life yet my slight suspicion, what if I am already pregnant?  I suppose in two days, if I start my period, I will know for sure I am not.   Crazy bloating, headaches, super tired, nausea (that I am certain is from the pain, but this is me being neurotic going “what if?”.)

My husband and I had unprotected sex a week ago.  A week after I thought I was ovulating.  I said to him, chances are I won’t get pregnant as we are too far away from when I ovulated, but, that is not always certain.  He said to me, what would you do if we got pregnant the first time?  I would be super surprised: the first time we try would be awesome.  I had one of my favourite bloggers comment to me that she got pregnant the first time, I was thinking that would be awesome if it happened for me that way.  (I even laid down with my legs up afterwards for good measure.  Even if I didn’t think I was ovulating, I figured I would give it a whirl!)  Especially considering how both my sisters have struggled to get pregnant, I would love that piece of mind that I don’t have anything wrong to worry about.

But I am trying not to get my hopes up.  I think I am just PMSing … but it would be nice if I was actually pregnant.  I am not going to lie though; I would have loved to get more weight off me before hand.  However, I figure if I get pregnant right away I would just work extra hard after the baby.  I know, anyone with a baby is laughing at me; I probably won’t have the time.  I really hope I can do something at least.  See all these worries I have in my head?!?!?!

Let’s do the Week recap, shall we?:

Last Wednesday I did my Shred It and I ate well up and until after dinnertime.  After dinner, I went berserk and ate 2000 calories IN ADDITION to the 1700 calories I had all day.  It was bad.  3700 in total.

Thursday I did my Shred it.  I ate well throughout the day, I think I came in around 1800 calories consumed.

Friday was a rest day.  I came in at 2000 calories.  Not great but that number is the number I should never go ever as that is my “maintain” calorie number.

Saturday I did well calorie wise.  I came in around 1900.  I worked in the attic, lugging boxes and I had a huge workout with hockey.  No sitting on the bench for me this week!  I was far more happy then I was the previous game.

Sunday I had my horrific headache.  I came in around 2000 calories.  It was supposed to be a rest day but we worked in the attic some more: cleaning, lugging and tugging boxes.  We needed to tidy the attic, so we could clean out the spare bedroom, as we want to start painting for a nursery.  Perhaps it’s a little early in the plans but I don’t want to be painting while pregnant.  When we moved into the house, we never painted.  The house is cream in every single room.  Then we had to knock a few holes in the walls to get to plumbing, including the spare bedroom, so it really should be re-painted at some point.

Monday I did my “Shred It” and came in at 1500 calories.  Slowly getting back on track.

Tuesday I did my “Shred It” but was ravenous again so I ate about 2000 calories.

I know 2000 calories isn’t great for losing weight.  That is my “maintain” calorie count according to all of the calculators.  I figure if I am burning 300 calories working out, then my net is 1700, which isn’t bad, it’s still a reduction.

I had one really bad day and a bunch of mediocre days calorie wise.  But I figure the working out and only going over my “maintain” calorie count once, shouldn’t have resulted in a four pound gain.  It’s frustrating.  I am certain this is all hormonal related. 

PS I did Jillian Michaels’ Shred It Workout Two for the first time today.  HOLY SMOKES.  It is INTENSE.  I am exhausted.  In fact my legs are still shaking and I finished the workout almost two hours ago.  (I drank a big ass protein shake, don’t worry, I love my food too much to not refuel right away.)

Adult Women Who Bully on the Internet

For some reason it's open season on bloggers.  I can’t stand when people pick on my favourite bloggers.  Seriously, huge pet peeve of mine.  The insults they slam out at people are so hurtful and cruel; what sad and pathetic individuals these bullies must be to cut down someone they don't know with hurtful words.  The whole world is trying to teach children not to bully, but yet for some reason, grown women feel it’s ok to do so via social media.  In my head, I picture these bullies posting their hurtful words and then heading to a PTA meeting and vehemently arguing how there should be more programs in place to prevent schoolyard bullying.  Does anyone else ever picture this? 

I read an insult this morning that just about made me puke.  It’s actually a topic that is near and dear, to not only my heart, but my family members as well.

I read one bully complimenting another bully for calling out a blogger for her choice to workout and go out on the weekend.  The bully said the blogger was “not worthy to have another child.”  (If you follow this blogger on Instagram, she posts tons of pictures of her daughter.  To me she must be spending time with her child, how else would she have tons of pictures?  In addition, she includes the daughter when she hangs out with her friends.  I have seen pictures of the daughter with the other friends’ children.)  This poor blogger woman is struggling to get pregnant.  To me, an insult about one's fertility is an incredibly low blow.  Who are these bullies to say such a comment?  They don’t know her.  Why is her going to the gym bothering them?  Her child looks happy, the child is in the care of her father or her grandparents when the mother goes to the gym, my god, it’s not as if she left her child on the side of the road while she goes in to workout.

I feel it’s very cruel to point out a woman’s fertility struggles.  We are told from birth that it’s our duty to procreate, that is what we are designed for.  Women who WANT to be a mother and are unable to, have a constant struggle.  It’s heartbreaking for them, often they have feelings of shame, anger, hurt, remorse, and 'what is wrong with me?'.  They feel they fucked up some how.  The thing is, in many cases, people don’t know, nor will they ever know WHY they can’t get pregnant, but it’s not their fault.  It is devastating for these women.

My younger sister found out her fallopian tubes are collapsed.  The doctor said she could have been born that way, or it could have happened at some point in her life, there is no telling.  She will never get pregnant naturally.  She could try IVF, but it’s very expensive.  Maybe one day she could try IVF, but it’s not in the cards right now.  My younger sister’s abusive ex boyfriend used to get drunk and constantly point out that my sister couldn’t get pregnant.  Since my sister was four years old, when the teachers asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  My sister’s answer was ALWAYS the same:  I want to be a Mommy.  It just became another way for him to constantly bring her down, another way for him to mentally abuse her, another thing for him to torture her with. She has struggled with this for years. 

I had an ex co-worker who was unable to get pregnant and her Mother-in-Law said she was “not womanly enough to get pregnant.”  TO HER FACE.  What a cruel and hateful thing to say. 

In addition, my other sister has tried for numerous years to get pregnant.  She has suffered two miscarriages.  The devastation that has caused is indescribable.   

Unless you or someone you know have lived it, you don’t understand the pain and suffering that infertility and miscarriages can cause. 

I still can’t believe I read that comment.  It was disgusting and hurtful.  What right does someone have to bully someone else?

What's In My Makeup Bag

Tristaat Stewart Streetis hosting a What’s in Your Makeup Bag Link Up!   Growing up I was a makeup-aholic.  I LOVED makeup. 

Side note that seems to have no relevance, but bare with me I am over-sharing as it leads to my makeup choice:

 

When I turned 26, I had a few things change in my body: IBS, Acid Reflux AND Rosacea. They are not life threatening, for which that I am grateful for, but just incredibly frustrating little blips that I have to deal with on a daily occasion.  Rosacea is a pain in the arse.  People always think that Rosacea is the cute pinky cheeks.  It can be, but there are three other types other then the pinky cheeks.   I have the pinky cheeks (Erythematotelangiectatic rosacea) and the Papulopustular rosacea, which everyone and their brother think they are an expert on and say I have acne.  My dermatologist says NO I DON’T HAVE ACNE.  For starters, they are different.  My red spots are not raised bumps.  Moreover, they are treated differently.  And Murphy’s Law, I am allergic to the two types of treatments, one I knew I was allergic to a head of time, and one I discovered when the top of my knees swelled to the size of baseballs and my fingers the size of sausages.  Good times.   

Back to makeup ….

High school and my early twenties I used what ever makeup was on sale.  The cheaper the better.  Cover Girl was more often then not, the makeup of choice in my bag.  When my Rosacea developed, I found my skin would burn as if I was sprayed with acid.  (Not that I know what that feels like but just to illustrate the burning was not like a sun burn, it was different, and extremely painful.)  I was told to stay away from makeup with perfume and talc.  I imagine there are probably other ingredients that cause burning but I was told those were the two main things to watch out for.

It is very hard to find inexpensive makeup without perfume or Talc.  So I braved it to the higher end of the makeup department.  (Well higher end for me, maybe it ‘s mid level… I dunno.)

I went to the Beauty Boutique at Shoppers and I had one of their artists do my makeup and recommend me some gentle products.

A very long story short, this is why I use Pur Minerals.  Here is my list in order of application.

Lancome Perfecting Makeup Primer – I like this, it’s smooth, but a bit thick. But I like it thicker, I don’t like watery primer.  It’s light weight when it goes on though.

Pur Mineral Correcting Primer – Green to cover the red marks from the papules.  (Papules are different then acne as they aren’t raised bumps.  Well they are for about a day and then they flatten out and I have what looks like a scar for about a year and then it clears up.  So thankfully, my complexion is smooth with lots of red spots, not bumps.)

Disappearing Act in Medium – I put this on top of the green Correcting Primer to make sure I get that added coverage.

4-in-1 Pressed Mineral Makeup in Gold Medium SPF 15 – Very light weight.

Marble Powder Bronze

Marble Powder Pink – I go through all of the trouble to cover the Papulopustular rosecea that it ends up covering my cute pinky cheek rosacea, so I need blush.

Revlon Luscious Lashliner - 001 Onyx – I once spent $20 for a Sephora eyeliner thinking it would be great, but it was Meh.  This Revolon lashliner is infinitely times better, the Sephora brand wore off, this Revlon brand does not.  And the Revlon goes on smooth as butta.

Buxom Lash Mascara – Very Black.  I LOVE this mascara.  It separates, lengthens and thickens, without being all tarantula looking.  For me it’s very pricey at $25, it is definitely a splurge.  I am most likely going to buy CoverGirl the next time I buy mascara as I can wear the inexpensive eye makeup with no problem. 

That is my basic wear.  I wear it for meh occasions and work. 

To go out I have a shit ton of stuff I like to play with, I won’t go into it all but here’s a quick shot of that second makeup bag.  (Can you tell I am obsessed with Betsey Johnson?)

I have Green/Hazel eyes.  I prefer Purples and Big Grey Smokey eyes.  I also love the Pin-Up look.  Black liner and big Red lips.  I LOVE the Buxom Betty Red Lip gloss.

Ravenous Jes

I have a confession to make.  As this blog was meant to keep me accountable, I figure that I should own up to what I did.  Yesterday I did very well calorie wise, right up until dinner.  I should say until after dinner.  Throughout the day I consumed 1700 calories, I was all right with that.  I worked out in the morning and gave it my all, I was proud of my workout yesterday.  My problem seems to lie in since I stopped my BCP, I just can’t get satiated.  Last night I thought I would be pro-active and make some protein peanut butter balls for my future lunches, a big burst of protein.  I know protein plays a big part in one’s diet.  The night before I even went out and bought almonds thinking some nuts could help me through the day.  They didn’t.  I could have eaten my right arm yesterday and still had been hungry.  I ended up consuming 3700 calories yesterday.  2000 of which I ate AFTER dinner.  Most of which was the protein balls which are loaded with oats, peanut butter, nuts and I added a scoop of vanilla protein powder.  (I seriously ate ten of these balls and when I did the recipe counter on MFP they come out to 157 calories a piece.  I cringe.  But I couldn’t stop the hunger with out them.)  With all of that, truth be told, I still felt like I could have eaten more.  It wasn’t even Fatty Jes cravings, it was Ravenous Jes.  I couldn’t stop it.

I had some stressful news yesterday.  I am an emotional eater.  But the eating was out of control and it felt like it was coming throughout the week.  I think stopping the BCP could be considered an excuse.  I know I have heard people say stopping the BCP made them gain weight.  I think after having experienced what I have experienced, I don’t think the pill makes you gain weight, but I think the change in the hormones can cause increased hunger which I have to learn to control.  I can’t blame the pill per see.  It’s like when people say certain diets don’t work for them, they gain back what they lose.  I have been there, I realize NOW, it’s NOT the diet, it’s not possible.  It was me slipping back to my OLD habits, that’s what seems to cause the weight gain.

I get frustrated by days like yesterday.  I was doing so good.  Oh well, today is a new day.  I worked out to Shred It and I gave’er like yesterday.  I was proud of my workout again this morning.  Then when I went to leave for work I realized we had another dumping of snow so I had to shovel to get out of the driveway.  GREAT exercise.    Now just to control myself today.  I packed a couple (as in two, not ten) peanut butter balls for my lunch.  Lots of fruit and a slice of pizza (low fat).  I know we are going out to dinner tonight with friends so I have to make sure to choose well while I am out.  If all goes according to plan, I will come in at 1700 again, dinner included.  Wish me luck!!!

I made these Peanut Butter Balls:  http://www.mrsjanuary.com/easy-recipes/healthy-peanut-butter-balls-recipe/

They are so good and very addictive be careful and try to just have one, not ten like I did.  (I don't use flax seed, I put in crushed almonds or walnuts. Also I threw in a handful of vanilla protein powder just to get it an extra boast of protein. 

Here comes Serious Jes:

I had some stressful news yesterday; my younger sister’s crazy ex-boyfriend has caused her some issues again.  I eat when I am stressed.  I know I am an emotional eater.  I can’t blame him for this (but I can blame him for a shit ton of douchey, shitty things he HAS done.)  I worry and fear for my sister.  She is my best friend and we are very close.   

It’s very frustrating when you see a family member in an abusive relationship: it’s tremendous when they finally escape said relationship, except it still blows huge when it’s a year and a half later and he won’t stop torturing her.  How sad and pathetic he is.  My sister is in a good place now.  She has a great boyfriend who is incredibly supportive of her and I truly believe he is very different from the monster she was in a previous relationship with.  We warned her about the ex.  We could see things happening.  She hid a lot of it from us as well.  We tried to talk to her about it while she was in the relationship and she got very defensive of the ex, to the point where she didn’t talk to me for three months.   

I have asked her why she stayed so long in her abusive relationship, she answered with a few different reasons: She loved him.  She thought he would change.  She was afraid to leave.  Ugh.  My heart breaks when I think of that last one.  

I always wondered why women stay in abusive relationships; seeing my sister go through this has been a real eye opener.  I know now there is a lot of mental manipulation on the part of the abuser.  I am so grateful I have never been in that situation.  I know in my head I talk like a big shot, oh it will never happen to me, I won’t let it.  But I suppose everyone thinks that way, unless you are in that situation, you don’t truly know how you will react. 

If in the odd chance someone is reading this that is in an abusive relationship, I will get on my soap box.  After seeing my sister I will never hold back on this topic, not ever.  Especially if it could save someone's life.   

GET HELP.  DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LEAVE.  THE POLICE CAN HELP YOU.  SHELTERS CAN HELP YOU.  YOUR DOCTOR CAN HELP YOU.  YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS CAN HELP YOU.  

HE WON’T CHANGE.  HE WILL KEEP DOING THIS.  

YOU CAN'T TIP TOE AROUND HIM.  SOMETHING WILL INEVITABLY SET HIM OFF.

HE WON'T STOP.

HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU.  YOU DON’T HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE.   

GET HELP AND GET OUT. 

DO IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN.  DO IT FOR YOUR PETS.  (My sister's loser ex dislocated her dog's leg in a fit of rage.)   THEY DON'T DESERVE HIS ABUSE.

DO IT FOR YOURSELF. YOU DON'T DESERVE HIS ABUSE.

GET HELP AND GET OUT.

If you are reading this online, look up a local shelter online.  Every city or town has a shelter to help you, to help you leave safely. 

NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT.

Weigh In Wednesday - 175.5

Following the blog link up from Erin and Alex! 

Last Weigh In: January 16, 2013 – 177 pounds.

Today’s Weight: 175.5 pounds.  Down 1.5 pounds (No poop, so I bet I am 175, maybe even 174.5 if it’s a big poop.)

Starting Weight: September 19^th, 2011 - 205 pounds.  Down overall 29.5 pounds.

First off, I didn’t poop this morning.  I usually only record my weigh ins after I poop.  I know it’s superficial but I have been consistent with this when weighing in, (I weigh myself stark naked, after I poop and before I eat/drink anything.)  Tomorrow I will weigh in after I poop, but for today, I will record for the sake of Weigh in Wednesday.  (I love talking about poop, can you tell? Haha)

Secondly, I am disappointed with my weigh in as I was certain my up in pounds last week was bloat.  I thought for sure I would be down back to 174, if not down more.  I don’t feel as bloated as last week.  (Bloat from stopping BCP for OBM.)

Last night I bought a real ten-pound dumbbell, if you recall I have been using a make shift kettle bell for my Shred it With Weights.  As odd as it sounds as the makeshift kettle bell I have been using is a ten pound disk for adjustable dumbbells, the solid ten pound dumbbell I bought last night made a huge difference in my workout this morning.  (Same weight but a different design.)  In fact, I hurt this morning.  I could have bought a real kettle bell but my local Walmart sells kettle bells for about $30 for a ten-pound kettle bell.  The solid ten-pound dumbbells I bought were $9.96 each.  I bought two.  Therefore, I got 20 pounds worth of weight for under $20.  I am a cheapskate, so this was up my alley. 

I have been doing good workout and food wise. 

My week recap:

Thursday I was good with my calories and I did Shred It.

Friday I skipped my Shred It to shovel the driveway.  According to MFP, I burnt almost as many calories as I would have for Shred It.  Friday I ate like a pig.  We celebrated my Mom’s birthday with a pizza party and cake.  I gorged.  I knew I would so I won’t let it bother me … too much.

Saturday I got a bit hormonal and ate like crazy.  I figured, meh, I am playing hockey tonight, which is “usually” a great workout.  The game sucked balls and I think I played 9 minutes of a 60 minute game.  In theory, if you have 3 lines to rotate through you should get 20 minutes of play.  This did not happen for whatever reason.  Perhaps our coach was sleeping on the bench.  He wasn’t calling the other lines off.  I would have skipped the shower afterwards as I barely sweated, but we went to a birthday party afterwards and I figured I should at least smell good to go there..  (I was beyond pissed off; I pay to play, not to sit on the bench.) 

Sunday I didn’t workout as it was my scheduled rest day.  I didn’t eat much throughout the day as we just plain got too busy and I forgot.  But I made up for it at dinner.  We had a roast beef, potatoes, gravy and Yorkshire Pudding.  Damn it was good.  Usually I fuck up roast beef, I don’t know why or how but I do.  I forgot to chart it all in MFP but I imagine I was well over my calorie count for the day.

Monday I did well calorie wise.  I was suppose to have the morning off and head to Zumba for the evening.  I woke up full of piss and vinegar and busted out a Shred It … AND … I went to Zumba after work.  That’s right, I did TWO workouts on Monday.  And I felt really good.

Tuesday I did well calorie wise and I did Shred It.

This morning I busted out my Shred It and I have my meals planned out for today that should be healthy and I should fall in well for my target calorie count.  I am looking forward to my tuna sandwich on a whole grain bun for lunch AND flank steak and pepper fajitas for dinner.  So good, I am drooling thinking about them 

My final thought for the day is:  If you are rude and snap gum when you work in an office setting it should be mandatory that your co-workers get to chuck staplers at your block head.  So rude.  So annoying. 

Fitness Friday, NSV, OBM, Healthy Photo Challenge

Desirae from Going with the Flow invited me to do a Fitness Friday Link up. Super excited! Go check out her blog http://goingwiththelastingers.blogspot.ca/. I love reading new blogs.

So today I feel better about myself.  (Thank you to those who stopped by and left me some encouraging words J  I greatly appreciate it!)

Wednesday after my morning melt down, I stopped by the store to pick my Mom up a cardigan for her birthday.  The store had a pile of their Joe Fresh clothing on sale.  (Not afamilliar with Joe Fresh?  Check it out here: JoeFresh.com.  I LOVE JOE FRESH.  Inexpensive, good quality and SUPER CUTE!!)  I ended up buying myself a cardigan on sale (Reg $20 to $9.94.  I love me a good sale!!)  ….

IN A SIZE SMALL!!!  Albeit it must be a large small, but I will take what I can get.  Most of my teenaged to adult life I have been an XL or a XXL.  2012 I busted into the mediums.  This is the first sized small I ever recall buying. 

The weird thing is at 5’3”, 177 pounds; I didn’t think |I could fit into a size small top.  I know I carry a lot of my weight in my butt and thighs, I am very pear shaped.  My pants have gone down from a size 18 to a size 12, so it’s progress.  I just have in my head that a size small top should go with a size 4 pants or something.  Proportions on clothing are weird.  It’s also frustrating that I can go into a store and try on three different styles of pants and end up with three different sizes. 

I am excited regardless to fit in a size small shirt!!!  That helped me stay on track the last couple of days instead of plummeting into a stuff-my-pie-hole-with-junk-food-to-drown-my-weight-loss-sorrows.

Operation Baby Making - OBM: (Caution TMI!!)

This is the thing that frustrates me about being a women, it’s 2013 and a lot of women still don’t talk about their personal stuff.  I feel like as I get older I still am surprised by some of the things I learn about my body.  Now don’t get me wrong, we had sex –ed growing up and my Mom is super open about talking about this kind of stuff with us.  I am not saying I was raised back in the 1800’s when women had no idea what was coming on their wedding night… I digress.  Did you know when you are a woman that when you get older your bladder can fall?  That you could possibly touch it through your vagina?  THIS IS TOTALLY TRUE, not some weird urban myth like the “my cousin had a friend who knows someone who stuck a hot dog wiener up her crotch”  (Seriously, you know how many times I have heard this story growing up, I just don’t think anyone would have…  Again I digress.)  My Mom is currently suffering from her bladder have fallen.  It’s apparently very common for women who have had hysterectomies.  My Mom has not had a hysterectomy, just with old age, muscles loosen and the bladder can fall regardless.  I am so glad my Mom told us of this, I am 31 and I had no idea.  Isn’t that wild??!!

Again I digress.  Yesterday I went to the bathroom and there was a ton of discharge, like the thickest, stickiest kind ever.  I sort of remembered and looked up on line, I WAS OVULATING!!!  I was so damned excited.  I know how women can suffer and struggle to try and get pregnant.  Both of my sisters have fertility issues.  It’s heart breaking for them.  I was so worried I may have a problem arise when we started trying to get pregnant.  I stopped the pill almost two weeks ago, I didn’t think I would ovulate that quickly.  The doctor recommended we not try for a month or two after I stop the pill, not that anything bad would happen, but she did say that sometimes the month or two after a woman stops the pill, they can have a false pregnancy; when the body mimics pregnancy symptoms, including a positive pregnancy test.  So to avoid the hope/hassle this would bring we won’t actually start trying until March/April-ish.  So the count down is on for me to shed the last bit of weight I want off of me.

Wish me luck!!

Oh and here are my Healthy Photo Challenge Photos for the week:

My Gym

Workout Outfit - Hells ya, I love me some Harry Potter

Athletic Shoe - I just use these for Zumba

Super quick lunch that day

Veggies and Strawberries for my morning snack, Cheddar and Apple for the afternoon snack

Favourite ingredient - I put that shit on everything

Sarcastic smile

Fruit - morning snack

Biceps - I have lost three inchces off these bad boys, quite proud!

Inside my fridge!!!

Weigh In Wednesday - 177 Pounds ... Grr...

Following the blog link up from Erin and Alex! 

Last Weigh In: January 9, 2013 – 174 pounds.

Today’s Weight: 177 pounds.  Up 3 pounds ... FUCK OFF  ("Vulgarity is no substitute for wit." That's ok, I am not going for wit, I am going for pissed off.)

Starting Weight: September 19^th, 2011 - 205 pounds.  Down overall 28 pounds.

Bite me.  I am 177 pounds. Yesterday I was 178.  I am not going to lie: I am really disappointed.  While I know I am bloated and I know the number on the scale is not the end all be all, I am frustrated. 

Operation Baby Making has caused the bloating with the stoppage of my birth control pill.  I can tell I am bloated still as my pants and gut still feel like I have a bowling ball wedged in under my gut.  Bah.  I read this is normal when you stop the pill.  The bloating can last for a month or two.  I hope it leaves soon.  I have been trying to have a green tea every evening to get the liquids moving whether it’s working or not I have no idea, but I am down an inch and a pound from yesterday.  Being a woman sucks huge, hairy balls sometimes.

On a more positive note, I have lost a bit in my measurements on my arms, legs and waist, so that is good.  Just my lower abdomen is still rock hard and up in inches. (Two inches today, yesterday was three, so I must be losing some of the water.)

My week recap: 

Last Thursday, I had my date with Jillian and I came in where I wanted to be calorie wise.   (I should note, this is when my pants started feeling too tight, so I would say this was when the bloat started.  This was five days after I stopped my pill.)

Friday, I was SUPPOSE to go to Zumba but I was dead tired, and had cramps so I skipped it.  (That was my first unplanned rest day this year. Also, this was the first time in forever I had cramps.  This was my only day of cramps though.)  I was very good calorie wise that day. 

Saturday, I was very good calorie wise AND had another intense game of hockey.  Huge workout.

Sunday, was my scheduled rest day and I ate a HUGE DINNER.  I know I shouldn’t have but meh, it was one day, so I moved on… sort of.  (I KNOW it was NOT the cause of the four/three pound gain, it couldn’t have been, I say huge I may have eaten a total of 2500 calories that day, my goal is 1700, 800 calories can’t make me gain four/three pounds!!!  Can it?....) 

Monday, I was going to go to Zumba but went for a long walk instead.  Calories were where they should have been. 

Tuesday, I Jillian’d and came in bang on calorie wise.   

This morning I Jillian’d.  Today my meals are all planned out, and are going to come in perfectly calorie wise. 

5 workouts, 2 rest days and good calories except for one big dinner meal when Fatty Jes returned.  Not bad.

I know bloat happens, but it’s frustrating as I thought I did really well this past week.  Sunday’s dinner being the only red flag.  Bah.  I am annoyed.  Trying to not let it bother me.  I know bloat happens.  I just have been spoiled as I haven’t had to deal with it to this extent the last few years.  So in the mean time you get Bitchy Jes to listen to.  My apologies, I swear I am not always this big of a moaner/whiner..  I hope that by next week the bloat will be (partially) gone and I will be making progress again.  Trying to be positive.  I know it’s not the end of the world, but I am frustrated as I have been really trying since New Years.  Frustrated is the word of the day.  Trying not to let it bother me too much… 

But can you tell it is?

Pooping Jes

I know you are all dying to know how my lack of pooping worked out.  (huh huh).  I am back to pooping with no problem.  I am still crazy bloated.  I am pretty certain the bloating is from the whole stopping the pill for Operation Baby Making.  Such is life.  I can't wait until I have a kid and they are a teenager and I can yell things like "I was so bloated just to have you."  I will so be that kind of mother: sharing all the grisly details "I was in labour for 72 hours!"  (God! I hope it's only like 4 hours tops!"

I know your day is better fulfilled knowing this information!

No-Shit Jes

I apologize I have been MIA!!  I swear I have been reading everyone’s blogs; I just haven’t had time to comment or update myself.  I wanted to do a bunch of link ups but wasn’t able to last week.  I have been tired and haven’t been able to get to my computer, I keep reading blogs through my cell phone but I hate trying to update my blog through my cell phone.

Here are the happenings for the last few days:

I keep worrying I am going to get that nasty shitting bug that seems to be sweeping through our region.  My sister and my husband were both sick with it last week.  Luckily I seem to have avoided it!!  My brain is tired and I am tired though. 

My extended family is incredibly close, and we have a family member that is very sick and we have being all worrying endlessly about him.  It’s scary but I know he will be ok.  I finally got to see him on Saturday and he was having a good day.  (Made me feel so much better.  Amazing how family can heal your soul.)  He has positive thoughts and prayers being shot at him left, right and centre.  He IS going to be ok.

Hockey on Saturday was intense.  It was a clean game, no dirty plays, but it was challenging as our opponents are a really good team.   We all had a lot of fun though.   I always know when I play hard as my faded old black t-shirt I wear under my equipment makes a smiley face when I sweat hard in certain areas.  It’s kind of funny.  I would have taken a picture of it, but I am sure my female teammates would not have appreciated me whipping my camera out in the change room, hahaha.

Through out the week I have continued to eat well and workout.  Jillian has owned my ass.  Friday I was going to go to Zumba but I had an unscheduled rest day instead.  That was the first time I have done that this year, I am trying really hard to stick to my workout schedule I created.  I was good with calories though.  Yesterday was the only exception.  It was my official rest day, which was scheduled so that is good, but I ate a shit ton of food: Pasta, Cesar Salad, Garlic Bread, Meatballs and Chicken Cutlets.  I was in fat girl heaven.  Oh and then I made No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies for dessert.  Hells ya Fatty Jes was happy.  However, today is a new day, back on track today.  I was going to go to Zumba tonight but I am tired.  I walked on my lunch break instead. (I allow myself to change up my scheduled workout without beating myself up, as long as I do something else in it's place, it's all good.)

Operation Baby Making Update (CAUTION TMI):  My stopping the pill has been interesting.  I had killer cramps on Friday and slight spotting, since then nothing.  I am bloated though.  I am wearing pants that are normally a full size too big for me and my gut is so bloated the pants feel tight today.  I feel like I am carrying a bowling ball in my gitch.  Bah.  I think I would rather a period then the bloating…. I know, I know… I should be careful what I wish for!  Anyways, I worry for my Wednesday Weigh In, as I am sure I am up a few pounds from bloat.

Oh and just to add to my TMI.  I like to talk about my poop a lot.  I am constipated.  I actually have a pain in my side.  I did poop today, but it was rock hard rabbit pellets.   Good times.  Maybe some of my bloat is from the constipation too.  I have IBS.  When my IBS started, I was shitting a blue streak.  A few years later of running to the toilet and my IBS decided to stump me up.  Anything can trigger it: stress and diet are my two biggest triggers.  I am trying to counter act it by eating oatmeal, green apples and drinking green tea today.  If you have IBS, apples are the wonder food.  Huge glass of apple juice has you firing machine gun rounds through your sphincter.  Good times.  I need some apple juice today.

I know your day is better fulfilled now thanks to hearing about my poop.  You’re welcome!

PS I haven’t given up on my healthy photo challenge, I just need to upload the pictures.  Bah.

Bitchy Jes

So let me whine and bitch today.

Every day for the last six months, I have woken up with a headache.  My brain feels like it’s trying to escape through my eyeballs.  Went to the eye doctor, my prescription has changed.  I need new glasses.  I have budgeted for them and I should be able to get a pair the beginning of February.  In the mean time, I suffer.  At Christmas, I had 12 days off, my head only hurt a bit.  Staring at a computer all day long hurts my eyes.  They finally got a rest when I went on vacation.  First day back to work my head hurt so bad I went home and thought I was going to be sick from the pain.  The thing that burns my goat, I had BETTER then 20/20 vision back in my early twenties.  A decade of daily computer use and I need glasses.  Bah.  I suppose it could be worse, but I wanted to vent more about the headaches instead of the glasses wearing.  Also whats with the glasses now a days?  Those big ol’ retro-y looking ones.  I hate fads with glasses.  I will buy them and in a few months, the style is out.  I can only afford to get glasses every two years or so.  Glasses suck.  Oh and my prescription, while it’s a pain in the ass and I get major headaches, its in fact a very minor prescription so I can’t get contacts, but it makes a big enough difference in my eyes that I get headaches.  Isn’t that strange?  I have a big head for a woman.  I have to buy hats in the men’s department.  So to me glasses are hard to buy, I don’t want my broad face to look broader.  I know I am a broad but come on. 

This post has totally become the ranting of a crazy woman.  My apologies.

My lower back is killing.  I am still doing Shred it with Weights and I trying to give ‘er my all.  My back fucking kills.  I need a massage and a long soak in a tub.  (We live in an 80-year-old house.  It most likely had a bathtub at one point.  A senior lady owned the house before us and put in a shower stall with a lazy seat.  At least I have the lazy seat but it’s not a tub.  I miss the tub.  Sometimes I go to my parents’ house just to use their bathtub.)

Caution:  Graphic lady stuff (I tried to not be so graphic, but I can only cut back so much.)

In the effort to start Operation Baby Making, this past Sunday, I officially stopped my pill.  This may be TMI (God, I hate that term but am too lazy to type the whole thing and now have type even more explaining this.  I also hate LOL, I’d rather write hahaha.  I digress….) For the last two years I have been on the same pill and I have made it through most placebo days with NOTHING.  That’s right, I got off scott free.  Once or twice, I had some spotting and that was it, the rest of the time fucking NADA: no cramps, no PMS, little to no bloating.  This made me happy.  (I had 24 days of pills, 4 days of placebos) Currently I am on day five of taking no pills so my body thinks a pill is coming today.  I am curious/nervous/scared to see what will happen this weekend and into next week.  I really hope I don’t rag it for a month straight.  I hope my body gets back into the swing of things right away.  I am sure it won’t but I can hope no?  I have been on different birth control pills for 8 years straight.  Before I went on the pill, I was like clockwork and it was a heavy bitch.  It would get so heavy; I almost passed out a few times.  It got so bad that the doctor put me on the pill for my period, not for birth control.   The doctor is aware I am going off the pill and recalls my history of why I was put on it in the first place.  So without being too graphic, (I don’t mind talking about poop in graphic detail, but periods are a different kind of gross) I hope my body bounces back to it’s former schedule without much waiting.  I don’t want to be on the rag for two months straight.  Bah. 

The clock is ticking.  I am going to be 32 this year.  I need to get started on the baby making.  I can’t wait much longer.  In my head runs the numbers constantly, over 35 have higher risk pregnancies and the chances of fertility are cut in half.  Over 40 is even worse.  My Mom and Grandmother never had any fertility problems.  However, my sisters do.  This scares me and I am a huge worrywart so I keep trying to tell myself: I never had a problem with my cycle other then it was too heavy, it was always like clockwork, AND I used to feel myself ovulate.  Those are good things!  Stop worrying!  Worrying will prohibit the baby making process!  Stress is one of the biggest problems couples face when trying to get pregnant.  I digress… Apparently, my Mom also used to feel herself ovulate when she was younger.  For me, it was the oddest sensation of a pinprick running down my side and my Mom said her doctor told her it was the ovulation process, some people can feel it.  Strange, but interesting.  I sure hope that means I am fertile.  I got me so big ol’ “Birthing hips” so let’s hope that’s a good sign!

Oh I spoiled my good work yesterday with Burger King.  Bah.  I blame hormones leaving my system throwing off my cravings.  I had a Whopper Combo with Cheese.  A full sized Whopper.  I had every intention of having a Whopper Junior, but when I got there Wednesday was the King Deal of the full sized Whopper Combo, so Thrifty Jes went "Oooo I get more food for less money."  And then Fatty Jes stuffed her face and passed out in a salty, fat laden coma.  It tasted so good.  But man it was salty and I drank a shit ton of water and have salt bloat today.  But today I am back to being healthy, not going to beat myself up ... too much...