When People Dump on Mother's for Working Out or Taking Time for Themselves

I am writing this in reference to a post that one of my favourite bloggers posted the other day.  This particular blogger is a healthy living blogger that I am sure many people are familiar with; she had two children and lost sixty pounds.  I know people take a risk when they post about their lives.  Not everyone is going to agree with what they have to say.  I am just surprised by the reaction that some readers have and how angry and vehemently they come swinging at the blogger.  The comments in particular I am referring to are the ones where she is attacked for making time for working out and “abandoning” her children while she does so.  People keep slamming her for getting up early in the morning to workout, before her children wake up.  They used to slam her for making time to workout before she picked them up from daycare before she made the switch to morning workouts.  I guess my concern is there are many different way to parent.  There is no “right way” to parent.  Every child is different, every family is different.  If a child is well taken care of, well fed, loved and in the care of a trustworthy adult, I don’t really see the child as being abandoned. 

I know there is the argument that this blogger works and makes time for herself to workout.  She now works out in the morning, before the kids get up.  I saw comments where the “haters” were saying “they were sure the kids were awake and alone in the house.”  Really?!?!  How can you be sure of that?    A 3 year old and a 1.5 year old alone in a house?  They are with their Dad.  When the blogger gets home from the gym they are still sleeping and sometimes she exercises outside.  With a baby monitor.  I didn’t realize it was a crime to step outside your house into your own yard while your kids were sleeping.  If the parent is on the front step and have a baby monitor, isn’t this acceptable?  My neighbours do it; I think they look like great parents.  Their kids have yet to have any major accidents or lose a limb.   

One particular comment seemed to strike a chord with me and I have thought about it the last few days.  So much so, the comment itself more or less inspired this rant of mine.  The person made a comment to the blogger she is a stay at home mom and that she doesn’t get any “Me Time” that all of her “Me Time” she spends with her kids, because she wants to spend it with her kids.  (There are always many comments made to this blogger along these lines) I grew up with a stay at home Mom.  My Mom is amazing.  She definitely made us the centre of her life.  She loved spending time with us.  She still made a little bit of time just for her during the day.  And as children we never felt like we got the short end of the stick when she did so.  I remember her setting us up with some toys in the living room and my Dad watched TV as we played, my Mom would go off to the bedroom to read.  We were allowed to go see her; it wasn’t like she locked the door or anything.  I know my Dad enjoyed seeing us play, he looked forward to seeing us after he came home from work.  I would never, ever hold it against my Mom for taking a half hour or an hour to read, for herself.  My sisters and I grew up well adjusted, we aren’t in therapy because my Mom didn’t spend all 24 hours a day falling all over us, only 23 hours instead.  I guess I am just trying to say we weren’t deprived because Mom took a bit of time for herself.  There is no “right way” to parent. 

While I am on my rant, maybe we were very fortunate as kids: my Dad liked to spend time with us!  He worked outside of the house and my Mom stayed in.  He missed us while he was at work.  My Mom didn’t have to be the only parent.  I am also surprised by comments made to the blogger as if all of the parenting falls on her head.  My parents worked as a team.  While my Mom stayed home with us, I always felt it was because three kids in daycare would cost more then her pay cheque if she worked, I never felt like she stayed home because she was “the woman.”  My parents are both in their sixties now, from a previous generation; I am just surprised by some of the comments made by this generation, that it’s the woman’s job.  My parents felt it was important for us kids to have a relationship with BOTH parents.  I always felt I grew up with great role models, that even though we had a stereotypical household, it wasn’t made to feel that my Mom was solely responsible for us.  Does that make sense?  I always felt like my parents worked as a team.

I always get this feeling that these comments to the blogger come with such anger from the commenters.  Like they hate her for taking time for herself.  I wonder if it’s jealousy?  Frustration with their own lives or body image?  Jealous the blogger lost the weight that they struggle to do?  Jealous the blogger is juggling to try and make it all work?  I don’t know.  I just can’t figure out why they call her out on it all of the time.  They call her out for working out.  When I have children, I want to be a healthy example for them.  I want to be healthy for them.  I want to be healthy so I can stay on this planet as long as possible to spend time with them.  I wonder if they commenters ever think along those lines.  It’s like they get so miffed and it’s said with such an air, like they are better then her. 

I think being a Mom must be the hardest job in the world.  I watch friends with kids and the “advice” they get from other parents, or people who don’t have kids.  Maybe people could stop and say “You’re doing a good job.” Instead of being so quick to cut people down.  You may not choose to raise your kids in a certain way but if your friend’s child is happy, fed and loved, and not in any weird danger, just because it’s not your way doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  I will finish with the clichéd “Why can’t we all just get along?”